All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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