Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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