I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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