I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
