So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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