I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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