After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
