Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize