when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dignity is for republicans.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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