this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
