Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
