You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
soo... how was my night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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