thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish there were birth control emojis
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
