ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
