I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
