i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
