Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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