i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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