but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I smell stomach acid.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
