i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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