I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
