Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
