i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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