my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
