when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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