I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
