alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
