Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
