So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
