i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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