I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
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What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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