It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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