she looked like the bat from fern gully.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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