I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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