T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
