He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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