My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
