My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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