His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
P.S. I can't hear my feet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
