You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
