had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
