I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Randomize
