She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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