She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You pole danced in your parka.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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