dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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