Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize