So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
