wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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