Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
