but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
