her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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