Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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