and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
