Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
