I cannot find my penis.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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