What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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