When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
