All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
