If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize