tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
