I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
