I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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