When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
