I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
