you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Welp...herpes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
