no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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