Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was like having sex with a tree stump
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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