If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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