i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you had me at cake vodka
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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