What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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