well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
