I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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