The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize